Back again......

Back in KL, Malaysia again.... and another year has passed.... 2005 wasn't exactly a terrific year for me.... well, I guess, I hadn't made it terrific myself.... it was a year full of errors, I guess, if I could turn back time and redo it.... would I change anything?! :/

But I guess it isn't a total lost at all... I have gained more understanding of why certain things the way they are... why does people not let go of the past? why commit suicide? why still indulge in something futile? why kill? why envy? why do you want it? what the point? why can't still love some one who can't/won't love you back? why cry? why go on?... so many questions and sure more to come... things that seems absurd at first isn't so silly after all... why?... because you went through it and if its still silly, then YOU'RE silly... its not true, deny it? denying it means denying the knowledge... which could be... a conflict of logic :/ .... perhaps

Things will be clearer once you settle down and think hard on it... think hard on it without bounded by biases, religion, rules, politics etc... give it a neutral go.... let the thought be questioned and questioned again from every angle possible.... even those angles that we dare not go.... hit a stump? add another person (friend, family, teachers), they may open doors you have missed or couldn't find....

Decisions.... decisions.... I am plagued with them.... and they are not easy too.... for each of the decisions pulls a vital thread in the fabric of my life.... one decision leads to another and another and another.... but then it stops at a point where it becomes very difficult because.... it is the FINAL decision.... which to pick, is it benificial? is it worth it? can't I go for the other one?!.... I guess the hardest to make are the ones involving another person.... how much of the decision is going to affect the other person?.... for I am not a heartless person, what happens to the other is a deep concern of mine.... so on goes the decision makings.... which made me sleepless.... and brought this new post to you :/